Farewell to a Memory
by SchoeneSeele
Summary: His words spurred her anger into a fanning flame. Her blood sent her to a place of answers and to say goodbye to a memory.


"I'm not the one who abandoned Narnia

**AN: Ok this is a complete one shot but it's a bit long for a one shot. I just got to thinking about this one day and here you are. I heard this song the other day while looking for Caspian and Susan songs. The song, Used to by Chris Daughtry, reminded me more of the relationship between Peter and Susan. **

**So I altered a scene to make it this way. Massive kudos to you if you can figure out before I tell you where Susan goes to. This really is more about Peter and Susan than about Caspian and Susan. However, since there was a bit of them in it I posted it the way I did. Seriously though there is nothing weird going on between Peter and Susan. They're just really close, before meeting Caspian Peter was the one Susan ran to so remember that. I hope you enjoy this short scene. Also I promise to update soon on my outstanding stories and such as best I can before I get mobbed.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them simple as that. Although if someone would like to sell them to me well I wouldn't be saying no.**

"I am not the one who abandoned Narnia." Those words were slicing through Susan. The fire of her anger was rising like a boiling heat she didn't think she could contain an instant longer. How dare he say such a thing? Her feet were moving before she gave them permission. Her voice was sharp as she stepped in front of Peter. She missed the look of surprise on every face as she stepped before the High King. For once the logical and calm Susan Pevensie had had quite enough.

"Do you think this is what we would have chosen? Hmm are you that ignorant to believe this is the life we wanted? Look around you Caspian you've lost half an army. We lost a lifetime; imagine for one single instant that every one you see here, everyone you have ever known," she gestured with her hands in sweeping half circle, "is nothing more than dust. You have no idea what these people have meant to us. You're not fit to rule them."

With that Susan Pevensie walked past him not into the tomb of Aslan but towards the forest. There was a deathly quiet in the company. Caspian was just staring at the place she had been standing. His face was frozen like stone. He was cursing himself ten ways to the heavens inside for letting his anger get the best of him. Lucy started to go after her sister but Peter held her back. Lucy looked to him in confusion but Peter spoke so quietly she almost didn't hear him. "She's got to grieve on her own Lu."

Edmund stepped forward and the three siblings entered into the dark tomb. Lucy shot Caspian a sad look. She knew that he hadn't meant what he had said. Even if she was the only one who seemed to understand that fact. Peter and Edmund hung their heads as they entered into the darkened tomb. The air of sadness and mourning clutched to everything and everyone. It was as if a shadow had descended upon the entire camp. There were groups here and there of the wounded, the mourners, and the rest who were still in shock.

Susan was stalking towards the dark forest. She knew she had been out of line but so had he. How dare he think much less say such a thing? Didn't he realize everything they had sacrificed for Narnia? Didn't he know what they would have sacrificed for Narnia? Susan was pushing past the thick brush as she kept going forward. It took a sharp barb stabbing into her right hand to slow her progress into the twisted tangle.

She finally noticed the trickle of red seeping out of her flesh. She watched as it dripped to the ground. It turned the bright green grass a sickened shade of crimson. In that moment of watching the blood flow to the ground she knew. She knew where she needed to be. She knew where the answers to so many of her questions would be.

Susan reached down to her pouch and pulled out a small handkerchief. She tied off her hand with the skilled hands of a warrior who had seen far too many battles. She walked slowly back through the tangle of the woods. She stood just back from the line of the trees staring off at the camp. There was no one that she could see standing outside of the How. She knew that almost everyone had retreated within the tomb to grieve.

Her feet were quick on the grass and she made her way through the trees. She was almost running towards there horses. She knew where she had to go. She had to do this no matter what would come of it. She was already there before her mind comprehended it. She untied the closest horse to her. It was a beautiful mare. Her mane was thick and dark like the sky above her. Susan prayed with every fiber of her being that no one would hear her. She didn't want to be caught part way through this. She didn't want to explain.

High atop the How Oreius stared into the sky. He looked at the way the heavens moved with knowledge that did not change with time. He was grieved beyond words at the losses of his sons. He tried to console himself with the knowledge they had been great warriors and they had died loyal to their king. His shoulders were slumped as he stared into the growing clouds.

His body stiffened as his ears heard something down below. He cast his sight down to the ground before the How. He was surprised to see Queen Susan with a horse. He took a sharp intake of breath when he saw her mount it. He knew by the wild look in her eyes that she had a purpose. He was torn in that instant. He knew that his duty was to stop her and to alert the High King if he could not. Yet something about her caused him to pause.

Her words echoed through him and he made a perilous decision. He knew that he had in part betrayed his king as he saw her gallop off to the north. Oreius waited for nie on fifteen minutes before he headed into the How. He almost galloped his way to the great tomb. He knew that the High King and Prince Caspian would undoubtedly be waiting in the room with the stone table.

Susan was astride the horse with sure movements. Her eyes did a final scan to insure that no one had seen her departure. Her heart clenched in fear as she saw Oreius. She stood there looking at him a plea shining in her eyes. When he didn't call out to her Susan took it with hope. She could only pray he wouldn't go straight to Peter. She didn't have time left to think or to pray for what he wouldn't do.

She spurred the horse forward and into the north. She was pushing the horse leaning her body forwards. Her hair was flying wildly with the mane of the mare as she galloped forward. She pushed sharply with her legs clucking her teeth to force the horse closer to the tree line. She knew she could only go a few more feet before she would have to make her way into the trees. She knew that time wouldn't have changed her way. She would have known where this place lay no matter how many centuries had passed.

Oreius broke upon the room his face torn with concern. Peter who had been sitting with Edmund looked up in fear. The fear shined in his eyes as his face hardened to that of a king. He stood up quickly and made his way to the centaur. "What's the matter Oreius?" Oreius bowed his head to the High King before answering him. He chose his words carefully his deep voice booming in the wide room. "Your majesty a steed is missing and your sister Queen Susan is as well."

Peter's face furrowed at the news. His shoulders tightened at the words from the wise centaur. He had hoped she wouldn't do this. He had prayed that she wouldn't be this foolish. He could only hope now that he would reach her in time. His voice was stern in response, "Are you certain Oreius?" He hated to question the centaur but he had to be sure it had been Su. He wasn't holding out an inkling of hope but he had to know for sure.

The centaur's voice was sad as he spoke to the High King. "Yes your majesty I am certain." Peter nodded to him as he began to reach for his things. He was buckling his belt back when Lucy came into the chamber. She slipped past Oreius to stand in front of her eldest brother. Her eyes were confused for a moment before understanding sunk in. Her voice was slight as she asked the question he didn't want to answer. "Peter where are you going? Where's Susan?"

He pushed his sword into place at his side before answering her. Edmund looked at Lucy answering the question his eldest brother was avoiding. "Susan's gone Lu. Peter's going after her." Lucy turned to Peter a question shining in those light brown depths. Their eyes locked as she spoke to him, "Peter you don't think she'd go back there do you? She wouldn't risk her life like that right Peter?"

Peter lowered his head not willing at first to shatter through his sister. The three of them were almost certain where Susan had left to. Peter knew he had to go after her. She didn't need to be out there by herself. His voice was as reassuring as he could be, "It'll be fine Lu. I'll bring her back safely alright. Take care of our D.L.F. will you and Edmund too." The last little bit brought a bit of a smile back to her face. She nodded to him and he didn't have to turn to see Edmund rolling his eyes.

Peter turned back to Oreius, "Oreius thank you for telling me. Please tell Caspian I'll return shortly." Oreius bowed from the waist to his High King. His voice was faithful as always, "I will your majesty. I wish you safe travel." Peter held his forearm out to the centaur who grasped it with his own. Oreius headed off into the How to find Prince Caspian. Lucy hugged Peter tightly as he made his way out of the chamber. His eyes lingered for a moment on the stone depiction of the Great Lion.

Edmund joined the quick hug. He clapped Peter on the shoulder as they let go. "Bring her back Pete." His voice was quiet in response, "I will Ed. I promise." Peter left his two siblings in the half lit tomb. He made his way quickly to the entrance of the How. He muttered under his breath, "Damit Su." He knew where she was going but he didn't want to go back. He didn't want to stand there and face the past.

He was out of the tomb and walking towards the horses as he looked to the sky. The sky over head was still heavily clouded. He didn't want to go chasing his sister but there didn't seem to be another option. He could only hope the storm would pass and not break upon them. He had pulled a strong brown horse from the lot when he heard footsteps. Peter half turned and wanted to out right sigh when he saw who it was. The Telmarine prince was heading his way. Peter was desperately tempted to gallop off without an explanation.

He stood firm though. He was a High King here and he would have to act like it. Caspian's thick accent hung in the air, "Where are you going?" Peter felt a great deal like smacking his head into the nearest tree with the way things were going. Just brilliant he thought Oreius hadn't spoken with the Telmarine prince. Peter's voice was crisp as he swung his body atop the steed. "After my sister."

He didn't have to look at Caspian to see the tortured look cross his face. Serves you right Peter thought unkindly. He deserved to be a bit torn up about what he had said to them. He was surprised at Caspian's words though, "I will accompany you." Peter could have laughed at how things were going, "I think you have done enough for one day." He turned to see the look of frustration blooming across the prince's face. Peter didn't want to relent this was something so very private. He doubted very seriously that Susan wanted to be anywhere near the Telmarine Prince at the moment.

Peter was almost startled with Caspian's next word, "please." It was a single word, a soft spoken plea. Peter knew that he was only wasting time and that the prince had no real thoughts of not going with him. He was annoyed at the prospect of the company but couldn't think of any better way to rid himself of the prince. His voice was short, "Fine but stay back when we find her." Caspian nodded and was astride a horse in a matter of minutes.

He didn't ask where they were headed as Peter steered his horse to the north. He kicked his horse sharply forcing the steed into the tree line. He knew the way in his heart and no map could have told him better. He was galloping deeper into the wood without a backward glance. He truthfully didn't care if Caspian was a mile back from him he wasn't exactly keen on the prince at that very moment. His thoughts turned to his sister. Perhaps Susan had been paying too close attention to his recent stunts. This was certainly one of her less intelligent ones to date. Peter threw his attention back to the ride ahead.

Susan was riding further to the north and began to turn her horse back to the east. She knew she was getting closer. She could feel it in her bones, in her soul. The place called to her soul with a yearning that she needed to quell. She flew through the forest no heeding time, or distance as she pushed the mare faster and faster through the woods. She could see the break in the trees up ahead. She was almost there.

She broke upon the trees like the sea upon the shore. She pulled the reins high and her steed halted. The horse reared a bit at the startling halt. She cooed at the mare clicking her teeth gently. The mare tossed her head a slight acceptance of her apology. Susan dismounted and tied her to the nearest tree. The tree was a mighty oak with wavering branches in the wind. Her hands took the reigns tying them tightly to the bough. When she was sure the horse was secure she turned to face the past.

The wide circle of the field was spread out before her. It was a little more wooded on the northern side than it had been. The rocks protruded from the earth more sharply than they had all those years ago. She stepped into the center of the circle as the sky broke apart. The sun had pushed and pulled through the thick clouds to force its way out. She stood in the center of the past as the sun stood high in the sky as it had all those years ago.

Her hands trailed in the tall grass. Its touch was feather light on her skin. The sun beat down upon her and the wind died in the air. Her heart constricted at the feeling of her armor encasing her body. She stared out into the field and into the surrounding forest losing herself in time. The sounds of battle surrounded her shifting on her skin. They were all around her, they were within her. They were the haunting memories of a past she didn't know how to escape. She looked out into the once vacant field to see a battle scene unfold before her eyes.

Peter spurred his steed on faster. He knew the poor horse didn't deserve such treatment but he had to get to her. His greatest fear was that there would be Telmarine soldiers patrolling to the north of their encampment. She could be in danger at that very moment. He knew he was getting closer, he could feel it. To the untrained eye the forest seemed to stretch on forever in twisting paths and ways.

He had to trust that thirteen hundred years hadn't changed the path too much. He feared that it had. It had only been half a day's march from the Stone Table to their encampment. It should have only taken him an hour or two hard ride to reach her. He could see where the trees were beginning to thin high to the east of him. He kicked at his horse pushing the steed to the break.

Caspian had followed Peter's break neck pace through the forest. He couldn't fathom where in the world they were going. He didn't know of anything that was to the north of their encampment. There wasn't anything but forest for miles on end. He wondered endlessly what could have drawn Susan there. His heart was breaking at the thought of her anger at him.

He didn't understand what was happening. When he had called upon the kings and queens of old he had never expected her. He had expected stalwart Kings and noble Queens to jump from the pages of his stories into life. He had never expected the people he would meet. He had often heard the stories of their perilous fight to free Narnia from the White Witch. He had never given a moment's thought to how old they had been when they had done so.

He hadn't realized they had ascended to the thrones at such young ages. He was nearly three years Peter's senior when he had ascended the throne. He had called in a moment of great need. He had never given thought to how it would actually feel if they answered his call. He was struggling with trying to learn to rule with Peter ruling for him it seemed. He felt so much less than they were.

They were the things of legend and myth. They were the children of prophecy. Thrones had awaited them. An entire life had been waiting for them to find it. All they had to do was step through a wardrobe. But he had never thought about the people hiding behind the legend. He had never expected them to be mere people. They were flawed and yet every time he looked at Queen Susan his heart constricted. He didn't want her to be so angry at him. He hadn't meant what he had said before the How.

He had let his temper take him over in that moment. He knew that they had given up so much to Narnia. He was just struggling through the dark storm as much as they were. It was all too much sometimes to bear. The news that his uncle had murdered his Father was still raw on his soul. The loss of so many of the lives he had sworn to protect. They were burdens he was only just learning to bear. His mind finally shifted back to the journey at hand as they began to turn further to the east.

He slowed his steed as he saw Peter heading for the break in the trees. He hung back instinctively knowing that they had found her. Peter dismounted while still staying within the range of the trees. Caspian slowly let his horse trot to where Peter was tying his up. Peter had disappeared past the trees and Caspian was slow to follow him. He slid off the horse and tied it to a near tree. He hung back in the shadows merely watching.

Peter had seen the coming break in the trees. He had slowed his horse. There was no need to startle Susan. He dismounted slowly and tied his steed to a tall willow. He stepped out of the fringe of trees and his heart was clutched with sadness. He hadn't wanted to return here.

Susan watched the battle unfold around her as if the intervening centuries meant nothing.

She watched as her friends and comrades fell. She saw her brothers fighting desperately. She watched with awe as Aslan with the two young queens broke upon the fighting. She watched as Peter's troops cheered at the reinforcements. She watched once more in horror as the White Witch turned another person she loved to stone. There was nothing she could do. Her hands were occupied with saving others. She fitted another arrow to her bow letting it fly.

She watched as Edmund broke the White Witch's wand. Her heart stopped in the moment she saw her brother stabbed once more. She saw his body crumple to the ground. She watched with vengeance as Aslan came stalking forward. She watched as he roared and sent the White Witch spiraling to her death. She didn't feel at first as the sounds of the battle faded. She didn't register the tears making paths down her cheeks. She didn't even hear the footsteps headed towards her.

Peter was walking forward towards his sister. Her back was to him but he didn't have to see her face to know what she was thinking. He looked across the field. Here he had fought his first great battle. Here so much blood had been shed. Here Narnia had been freed from her long winter enchantment. His eyes took in the present. He thought slowly that the markers were long gone.

He thought perhaps that they had withered away with time. Or perhaps the Telmarines had destroyed them. His heart ached at the knowledge that only the four of them would have ever known this field for what it was and what it had been. He closed the distance between the two of them. Peter slid his arms around Susan from behind.

Susan didn't startle at the touch. She knew he would find her. She knew that he would come for her if she ran here. Her voice was soft as she turned to face him, "We should be where they are." His voice was equally quiet as he wiped away some of the tears from her face, "I know Su, I do." She hiccupped at him and a small smile creased his face. His heart broke as she looked past him into the sky. His heart broke at the truth of her words, "I should be thankful for every breath I draw but I'm not. Peter we shouldn't be alive."

She pulled away from him her hands gesturing at the ground. He sighed at her. He knew what she meant but he couldn't deny what was, "I know Susan but we are." Her face creased in anger as she answered him, "No we aren't Peter and you know that. We haven't lived in what seems to be thirteen hundred years." He knew she was in part right.

He reached out to her to grasp her hand in his own. She held his hand in her own as her eyes looked back. They were as distant as was her voice, "I don't want this life Peter. I don't want to be caught up in the dream again because I can't bear for it to end again. I want to be where they are Peter. I want to be at peace." She was crying again her voice breaking on the last sentence. He took his other hand and brushed it across her cheek.

He didn't have the right words to ease her pain anymore. He didn't know what to tell her to make the wound heal.

She hiccupped at him again and he couldn't help but smile. He was reminded of the little girl she had once been. Whenever she had cried as a little baby it was always followed by a fit of hiccups. She gestured to the two of them as she spoke, "Who would have ever thought that the great Kings and Queens of Old had hearts? Who would have thought that we are just as fragile and just as broken as the rest of Narnia? What happens once we save them this time Peter?" Her voice dropped further until he could barely make out her words, "Do we go back to England? How do we keep living like this? I just don't know how to anymore. I don't know who to be, or what to say, or how to act anymore."

He pulled her into the shelter of his arms. She laid her head onto his shoulder breathing in that scent. She had spent a lifetime teasing him about it. She had always said he smelled like the earth and the sword. She held onto him life her last lifeline in the world. He whispered to her, "Things aren't the way they used to be." She pulled back and he let her.

She stared into the brilliance of the unchanging sky. Her voice sounded so far away to him, "I used to be so sure. There was no doubt, there was no thought I could just breathe." She shook her head before continuing, "I don't know how to face the looks they give us. They think we willingly abandoned them Peter." Peter's voice was kind in turn, "I know Susan but they don't understand. They don't know that we would have gladly given our lives if it had meant their freedom. They're as lost as we are Su. But some how we have to find the light."

He shifted back and forth on the balls of his feet. Susan caught a glimpse of the boy he had been before all of this. He looked at her before opening his mouth again. He shifted beneath her gaze, "I know I've been a rotten prat since we went back but I am sorry. I lost faith in him too Su. But we have to have faith." He waved his hands the way he had when he had been a king. He had always done so to illustrate a point, "We have to have faith that he'll send the light to shine in this darkness. Otherwise their sacrifice will have been for nothing. They gave their lives that day and we offered up our own. We fought to free this land from winter now we have to save her from the darkness."

Susan nodded to him. She brushed the last of the tears from her face. Her voice was gentle, "I know Peter. They would want me to be their queen again. They would want me to be the person I was for them." He answered her unspoken thought, "It's just hard I know it is Su." He grinned a little before telling her, "But the Professor is right Su, "Once a King or Queen of Narnia always a King or Queen of Narnia. We can't change who we are anymore then they can." Her voice was distant again as she walked closer to him, "I miss them Peter. Do you remember the feasting and the dancing in the forests after the battle?"

She continued absently hardly noticing his nod, "Do you remember Mr. Tummus teaching Lu to dance with the fauns? She was so happy then, we all were." He told her softly, "I miss them too Su but they're gone and we can't live in memories for forever." He gently spoke to her, "We both learned that this year, come on we have to get back." She nodded at him. Susan bowed her head slightly staring at the ground, "I know and I'm sorry for running off Peter." He pushed her chin up so that they were almost eye level. His eyes were kind and she saw in them the reflection of the king he would always be, "There's nothing to apologize for Su."

He smiled at her in that easy way that only a brother could manage. He gave her hand a squeeze within his own, "I'm going to get the horses ready. You've got another visitor." She looked at him in confusion. Caspian had stood back in the dark tree line and watched the quiet sibling moments. He had never felt the need to be as close to a person as the two of them were. He was an only child and it had never bothered him until that moment.

He watched the two in fascination. He listened albeit guiltily upon their conversation. His heart had ached at her words. He had never meant to be the catalyst for such pain. He had never meant to hurt her so very much. He didn't understand how this woman could have such a pull over his heart. All he wanted was to hear her laughter again to see her eyes crinkle with her smile.

His head shot up at Peter's words. The clumping of boots told him that he had better hurry. Caspian stepped out from the fringe of the forest into the field. Susan watched as her brother headed back towards the horses a little puzzled by his words. Her puzzlement died as her eyes lit upon a singular figure making his way towards her. Susan didn't know what to feel around him any more.

It was all so confusing to her. She felt such a tumble of emotions as the dark haired prince made his way towards her. Peter deliberately kept his back to the pair giving them a moment of privacy. She felt a twinge of anger at him for the hurtful words he had uttered. But as he drew nearer she couldn't help but want to drown in those eyes.

Susan had as a little girl imagined what her Prince Charming would look like but not even her imagination could have produced someone like him. Caspian took slow but sure steps towards her. The only thing in the world that mattered at that moment was the woman before him. He could see the streaks of tears on her bright cheeks. He watched as the emotions flew about in her eyes. He stopped before her a little unsure of himself before her gaze.

He held a hand out to take her own in his. Susan's eyes asked him an unanswered question as she gave him her hands. His voice was like velvet brushing against her skin, "I'm sorry." She couldn't help but smile a little at the look of such pain criss crossing his face. She had known deep in her heart that he hadn't meant what he had said anymore than she had. It had just hurt so much for someone to finally say what quite a few people had thought.

She pulled her right hands from his for a moment. She let her hand cradle the side of his face. He relished the small feeling of her skin against his own. Her voice was soft as she answered him, "I am too." His smile was infectious and it split her face to reveal that gentle smile from which her name was derived. He tugged her close to his body. She was wrapped so close in his arms. She wanted to memorize this moment. She wanted to remember how her body fit against his. She wanted to record permanently to her memory the smell that was his. It was so intoxicating to her.

They pulled apart and her hand left his face. He didn't let go of her other as they turned to head back to the horses. Peter was already astride his and was holding the reigns to Susan's. Caspian held her hand until they reached her horse. She turned to look at him once before letting go of his hand. Peter felt at that moment that quite a great deal was going on between his sister and the Telmarine prince. He felt vaguely uncomfortable with the way Caspian was eyeing his sister.

He made a mental note to have a particular chat with Caspian about Susan sometime in the very foreseeable future. Susan mounted her horse with practiced ease. They waited for Caspian to mount his own. Susan turned in the saddle to stare across the field once more. Her voice was soft on the air as she said, "Wrong will be right when Aslan comes in sight. At the sound of his roar sorrow will be no more. When he bears his teeth winter meets its death." Her voice trailed off for a moment. She and Peter looked once more upon that battlefield of the past. There voices twined to utter the last phrase, "And when he shakes his mane we shall have spring again."

**AN: So yeah I hope you liked it. I usually don't have people suffer for no reason but this one just came to mind. As always review at will.**


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